Saturday, January 16, 2010

i could have been arrested...

it was a balmy 57 degrees here yesterday after lunch (goodbye 1 month old snow?!) so i was excited to take a nice walk with K and the dogs...
well, if you've ever watched a woman walk with a 15 lb. dog (Shorty), a 110 lb. dog (Beezer), a poop rake, and a stroller, you would know what true entertainment is... as Beezer pulls me to sniff every newly exposed area of muddy grass...and Shorty tries to clothesline K in the stroller...it's quite humorous...
i've learned to put Shorty's leash on the handle of the stroller and set the break on his leash...and i carry the poop rake with my left hand...and have Beezer on my right wrist...i can pretty effectively travel down the road...
of course, by the end of the nice walk and 3 poop loads on the rake later (with the poop rake HITTING my leg several times - ew), i'm ready to hang the dogs....
so we get back in the driveway...i drag the dogs inside and leave K in her stroller while i get them in the door, brake on, of course, and want to go on a REAL walk with my girl...
so i mumble under my breath a few times and get them inside...throw their leashes on the ledge...lock the door, and smile as we have a new walking freedom...
about 15 steps later, i feel in my pocket...no key...
fabulous...
i had thrown their leashes, with the key, onto the ledge...and i didn't realize it...
i started to panic a little...it was 1:35...ry wouldn't be able to leave for another 2 hours or so...(but i figured he COULD come home if i needed him to that badly)... my spare key that should be in the "secret hiding place" was safely locked in the neighbor's house from months ago... lovely...
i decided to walk a little and think... i had to come up with a plan of attack...
my thoughts went something like this...
i am glad i changed K's diaper before lunch...but what if she poops and we can't get in the house? i wonder if i could find any neighbor who is home and ask them to use their phone even tho they don't even know me...oh, there's that lady who lives up the road who stays home, i think...i could look really nice and with K, she would know that i'm not some stranger to be scared of...but she still doesn't know me...and when i tell her i have to call ry at work and it's long distance...will she care? i wonder if i left the sliding door on the deck open this morning when i was tossing out some old bread for the birds... i guess we could enjoy this walk and then hang out in the van for the rest of the afternoon together...but there wouldn't be a lot to do to keep her entertained...but we do have a big comforter in there for her to nap on, if we were there for awhile...i should have taken my cell phone...if i would have taken the regular keys, attached to the lanyard, i would have not thrown THOSE on the ledge mistakenly b/c they're so loud and heavier... i could walk to the grocery store, on the main roads, and ask them if i could use a phone...

i turned around and looked at the house...and started to walk back home... i was eyeing the spare bedroom window that i figured was probably unlocked...but how would i get up there? oh yah, we have that cool ladder...locked...in the basement (duh)...
maybe i could drive the van up to the window and get in...but the keys to the van are...inside the house...
maybe i could pick the lock to the door? i had no tool to do that...

we have a split level house, so our basement windows are right at ground level... i looked at one of these windows...and checked to see if it was locked...it wasn't... score...
so i lock the wheels of the stroller, all the while talking to K...and do some investigating... i remove the screen...clean off the ledge from a plethora of dried insect bodies...and get the window open by pushing up on the window... the blinds are down, but i reach in and feel for the cord...and up they go with a little effort...
i size up the window and my body...yep, this fat body can make it through...
so i look around to make sure no one is watching or about to stop at the stop sign providing a perfect view of my rear end...and i say to K, "momma will be right back..." in i go, toppling over the back of the sofa...and onto the floor...up the stairs and to the front door...all the while, hearing K going, "momma momma momma momma mommy."
i open the front door, grab the key...lock the door again, and we go on a REAL walk...where i can enjoy the sounds and sights of the thawing world around me...

i am sure that the average passer by would have probably called the police if they saw someone trying to get into the house like i was...i would have LOVED explaining that one to the officer...

i don't know what's worse... :) the fact that i found it very easy to break into my own house...or that the dogs didn't even BARK! :)

today, we'll be heading to the nearby home improvement store (my husband’s most favorite hated store) to get some super thick dowel rods to make a few “locks” to protect us from being robbed by EXPERT robbers… (the windows in the basement haven’t been replaced yet, and they no longer lock) i spend lots of time here, alone, with kids… and i don’t like sitting here and wondering if every little sound is someone trying to break in like i did last night while ry was out doing some work for a friend until after midnight…

i need to go now…so i can begin my life of crime grab a quick shower before Sweet Baby Girl walks up…

in the meantime, call if you need any robbing advice…

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