The minute you have a child...

i have thought about this a lot but i haven't really said a whole lot about it to too many people for fear of being "morbid..."

i am watching CMT (i don't know why...don't ask...) and they have a top 20 countdown going on... they're interviewing the stars of the movie "The Lovely Bones" - which will come out in a week... (a side note - great book...read it a few years ago...will be eager to see what the movie holds...)

anyway, in the book/movie, a child (i think she's 14 years old?) dies...she's murdered... she hovers between living and heaven and can observe how her family reacts to her death... it's very interesting...

Susan Sarandon, who plays the grandmother in the movie, was just interviewed...and she made a pretty personally powerful statement:

"I think the minute you have a child, you're suddenly thinking about death...that's what nobody tells you..."

that statement describes me to a "T."

Since I've become a momma, the mild obsession about dying...me, ryan, and, God forbid, her...it's at the forefront of my mind at various times... it's horrifying...scary...emotional...it leaves me nervous... i could list my emotions...

i immediately cry when i know of tragedy that strikes a family - real or fictional... when they lose a child, i wonder why...and how in the world any momma or dad...or grandma or grandpa...can cope... i look at K and wonder if she's perfectly healthy...or if something is brewing under her beautiful skin... or if she will slip through my tight hold in another way...

i have a hard time watching Law and Order: SVU now...or any of those types of shows where children are involved...

i am so saddened by terminal illnesses... i just read about a lady who died of breast cancer (who has a very powerful message right here @ Death is not Dying)......leaving her two very young children... i couldn't help but read her letters that she posted in sort of a diary style...it ripped my heart out. i can't even begin to imagine how a mother can face death while watching her two young and beautiful children grow...and how you can cope with the knowledge that you won't be there any more for rocking them to sleep while smelling their sweetness...kissing them...watching them splash in the bath...feeding them...and for their teenage years...as they graduate...when they get married...when they have children...
and i will tell you i've had a fear of dying of breast cancer in my 30s for years...long before i had a child...

i guess that we can't live in constant fear all the time... but i won't lie and tell you that the fear isn't there... it is... but you can't let it consume you... you can't live life in a happy and healthy way dwelling on the what ifs and could've beens... and of course, there's the promise of a wonderful new life in Heaven...

it's hard to think that life could be any better than rocking your baby girl to sleep each night... but we have to believe in the promises...

day to day...that's how you need to live... cherish each minute...each second...and know that nothing is more important than a minute with your child... :) i want to remember that every day... :)

Meals for 1.3.10 to 1.10.10

(gosh it's hard to type '10' for the year... :))

sunday: Beef & Peas w/ rice - Ry makes dinner :)
monday: Navajo soup
tuesday: leftovers - stuffed shells (from friday 1/1/10), soup, beef & peas
wednesday: cream of tomato soup & grilled cheese (i will post recipe if you're interested - just send me a message :))
thursday: pancakes, turkey sausage/bacon, and fruit salad
friday: breaded chicken w/ macaroni & cheese & veggies
saturday & sunday: i'm sure we'll eat out, cheaply, on one of these days... and we'll probably have leftovers or i'll make the "bigger meal" - that's still to be figured out! :)

what about breakfast and lunch??!
we're usually on our own for breakfast...except on the weekends. i usually make something yummy - french toast, egg & cheese sandwich, omlettes, etc.
for lunch, K and i have various things for lunch that we find around the house (cheese sandwich, yogurt, etc.)
and dessert?
we don't usually have dessert, either... :) i know, we're party poopers, aren't we!? hehe :)

happy eating! :)

Meals for the Week

since i'm staying home now, i have had to find ways to save money since we're not making what we used to... we used to overspend at the grocery store, without a doubt, and to be honest, there were weeks we'd go to the store, drop $150, and i couldn't figure out a meal from what we bought to save my life...
i knew our spending habits had to change...

so, in my faithful blog stalking adventures, i came across some ladies (like Little Home) who post a weekly meal plan for their families. what a great idea! :) so, i decided to start doing the same thing... i had the time to plan out meals, and to be honest, making a decent and nice home-cooked meal is a little theraputic for me... :)

i started by making a list of our old "standby" favorites. i keep this list in my notebook... i am always interested in new recipes and good ideas (like from my very talented "blog friend" at "Whatever" - who has 5 kids and i remain amazed at her organization and creativity ), so i copy/paste recipes into emails and send them to myself... i also have written recipes in my notebook...

on the weekends, i sit down and write the days of the week on each line in my notebook... we pick our meals (or i mostly do, but i ask ry if he has any special hungers or wants for meals), and i plan them out. i try to put meals that are "more involved" on days where i know it will be a little less stressful. i also try to make a "bigger" meal on the weekend so that we can have left overs during the week. then, once i plan the menu, i make a grocery list... so, we stick to the meals, for the most part, and we don't overspend at the grocery store.

granted, we have days when the meal doesn't happen for whatever reason. the great part of that is that, then, we have the ingredients on hand for another day... and, i always keep "stand by" meals available that are quicker or less involved in case the plan for that day just doesn't happen... our stand bys - breaded chicken (usually tysons), spaghetti, soup, etc. - basically things we have on hand all of the time...

so far, it has been wonderful! has helped us in more ways than just financially... we were the classic couple saying, "what do you want for dinner?...i don't know...what do you want? i don't know..." meanwhile, we were standing there snacking on anything we could find... :) we don't have to do that any more... :)

well, i have decided to post my meal plans... mostly for the good of others (assuming others read the blog :))... i know other ppl's blog help me come up with ideas...and i have gathered some really delicious recipes from seeing other meal plans... :) (like from my new "blog friend," Sarah)

so, if you read my blog, i hope you can find a recipe that you'd like to try...or i help you come up with ideas for eating during your week... but mostly, i'm posting because it's important for us, together, to try and make our lives easier...and it would be fabulous and a priviledge if i could make it more possible for you gather around your dinner table, with your family and/or friends, and have a nice, delicious meal without working up too much of a sweat... :)

eat well! :)

Mom update...

amazing what some news does to you...whether good or bad, huh?
of course, i couldn't wait until the afternoon (as we had agreed) to call my mom to see what the doctor had reported... i called her when both of the kids (mine and the one who i was sitting yesterday) went down for a nap, the telephone was in my hand and it was dialing...
home...no answer...
cell...no answer...
it had been nearly 3 hours since her appointment time...of course, my first instinct was to panic...she was at the hospital...they admitted her for immediate testing... then i just stopped myself from being rediculous... my mind was too negative...so i thought, then, they were probably at WaWa getting some coffee... :)
within about 10 minutes, my mom called... they had just left the doctor's office... 3 hours... wow...
she had a cat scan and it was clear (Thank GOD!)...the area where her jaw bone is exposed is due to the root canal, probably...but basically, the doctor told them that she has NO ability to heal due to her treatments. apparently, the radiation she had, which was extremely powerful in its dosage amount, destroys the vessels that carry your blood, esp. to the jaw and the gums. (since her radiation was specific to the head and neck area, this is not surprising) without that blood flow, you don't heal...and the bone and the gums die... that's what's going on right now... BUT, because she's NEVER taken any osteoporosis medications (like Fosomax ?sp?)...she can have treatment...
(by the way, I hope you don't take those calcium meds - like Fosomax - they're showing, now that they can destroy the bone of your jaw, and it's NOT repairable or treatable...just take calcium and vit. D, if you ever need it)
sooo...the treatment is... she has to have 20 hyper baric chamber treatments, which will stimulate the blood flow to her gums/teeth/jaw (and her whole body, for that matter!)... after those 20 treatments, she is going to have surgery, outpatient, but still put under, and the oral surgeon will basically scrape away the dead bone and i guess repair that area (not sure what all that entails) and possibly extract any teeth that need to come out... then, she has 10 more hyper baric treatments to help her heal even more...

sounds like a little adventure...kinda neat, if you ask me... i have heard that hyper baric treatments are EXPENSIVE, but it will be well worth it, no doubt... :) and, now that i'm hearing this, it's "dusting off" the memories of the research that i did 2+ years ago when she was first diagnosed... i seem to remember reading something about hyper baric chambers for patients...

she's doing well, especially now, i think... after she told me everything, she said "just another bump in the road..."
i know she feels a tremendous amount of relief... and, honestly, so do i... :)

Monday randoms...

i have a lot on my mind but don't know how to put it all down without it seeming rediculous... :) so i will just write a few things.... :)

~K is finally walking almost "full-time" right now... she's so cute...still a little unsteady, but we're excited to see her moving in new ways... i know this will bring a whole NEW adventure for us... :)
~We're seeing more of a temper from K...probably frustration from not being able to communicate everything that's going on in her mind... We see it at various times...at mealtimes, when changing diapers, getting dressed/undressed, and when playing... right now, we just kind of laugh after trying to redirect her... :)
~K's still dancing her heart out... i love to watch her bounce, twist, and clap... :) sights that do your heart good... :)
~K has LOTS of new toys that are keeping her entertained...most of the time... i love having a tea party with her (she actually brought me a cup from her tea set yesterday for me to "drink" - and she quickly reciprocates when you give her the cup back...so cute)... she also enjoys "placing" figures on her toys -nothing like building a Little People "wall" :) hehe :)
~K has weened herself from nursing... she was not at all interesting in nursing when she was sick...and hasn't regained the desire. i knew it was coming soon b/c she was so uninterested in nursing... when she turned one, i dropped to 2 times a day without any problem... she was very "quick" with nursing during those remaining times....if she nursed for 5 minutes, it was a long time... i don't know how i feel about it...part of me misses that closeness...but i also know that it's natural for it to end... :) i guess i should be glad that she's not going around, crying, throwing herself down, and trying to expose her not so svelt mother to try and nurse!! :)
so, we now rock in the rocking chair each evening...and that's sweet time with her...so i will take the new "normal" with a smile and a warm heart... :) i love it...

~we still have snow covering most of our ground... :) the 27 inches has "stuck around" and with the temperatures, i don't know that it will be leaving anytime soon... :) it looks pretty...and i guess i don't really mind it that much! :) hehe :)
~the birds have been so interesting to watch in the last few days since we've been home... i don't know if they're struggling to find food with the ground being snow covered, etc., but i've set up the feeder again... the cardinals against the white background - simply breathtaking!


~my heart is worried...and i'm trying to be as positive as possible...my mom battled a bout with tonsil cancer beginning in Aug. of 2007... treatment was very challenging and took almost all of the life out of her...but in the last year, she's worked so hard to pretty much return to normal... :)
one of the side effects from her radiation treatments is dental issues... she had a root canal a few months ago to deal with a tooth that was cracked... it didn't heal (not abnormal b/c of the radition) but no one did anything about it b/c it wasn't causing her any trouble or pain... then, a few weeks ago, she complained of a "bristly" feeling in her mouth...along her gums... apparently, in the area where the root canal was performed, her jaw bone is now exposed... it's an area of about 2 inches... now, i believe it's related to the root canal...but you never know...
she's seeing a surgical dentist today to get an opinion from him...and she sees her Ear, Nose, and Throat (ENT) tomorrow... i'm praying that it's not at all related to the evil "c" word...and that it's easily treatable... :) i'll keep you updated...

:)
that's enough for now... :) hope everyone is enjoying the new year...2010...it seems so incredible to think we're already here! :)

be well! :)

a piggy? christmas

well, our Christmas was not too bad...we were blessed with our families and many wonderful gifts... but, k was sick the entire time...i think she may have had H1N1 or maybe just the flu (whatever the difference is...)... she had symptoms of something or other before we left VA...sneezing, a cough, a low-grade fever... i had toyed with taking her to the doctor before we left, but she seemed a little better on Wednesday...so i took that as the "end" of whatever she had... so we packed up the van to head north...
the trip to PA wasn't all that fun...she cried after about an hour in the carseat...not a happy camper. she may have slept for a total of 45 minutes the entire trip... we had to stop a few times to just "get out" and look around at different things to quiet her crying... but, we finally made it...and the symptoms of whatever K magnified a few hours after we got to my parents' house... the cough got really bad, accompanied by a runny nose, and her throat had to be raw from all of her coughing (just guessing). she was very congested, and her fever was around 101.5 with Tylenol...and then we had a bout with diarrhea...it was awful... the nights...they were long (or maybe short?)... the first night, she cried from 12 midnight until after 1:45...nothing i did made her happy...she didn't want to be held, she didn't want to be left alone, etc. - she would just crawl on me and try to crawl up my torso...it was so sad... the next few nights, she did the same thing, but for not as long... she wouldn't nap or sleep in her pack n play...but we made it... she was a trooper...she managed to open some presents...and that was fun for her for a little bit... she seemed to feel much better by Saturday night...
hopefully, next year, she will feel better so we can REALLY enjoy our time with her at Christmas and she can, too! :) here are a few pictures from our PA Christmas to enjoy... DE will come later when the pictures are loaded... :)


the fastination with presents this year was the wrapping paper...after she'd tear off a piece, she'd just play with the paper and forget the present :)

she put her pants around her neck like a scarf...she does this with any piece of clothing she gets :)


more presents :)


opening a present with grandma and her smile looking on... :)

27...

that's how many inches of snow we have laying on every inch of the outdoors right now in beautiful VA... it started snowing at 4:30 PM on Friday and ended sometime Saturday evening...it's beautiful! :) but we'll be staying put for the next few days, without a doubt... :)

we took K "sledding" in the laundry basket...we copied some friends of ours who posted pictures on facebook as they took their little boy in the snow! :) it worked perfectly, though...and K really seemed to enjoy it... we got some great shots.... :)

the dogs enjoyed the snow for about 10 minutes...until their paws got caked with snow. we tried socks, but they didn't stay on for long! :) as far as going outside for business, both struggled a bit...but we dug out quite an area for them...it took lots of encouragement, but they finally went. we're glad that a few crazies decided to try to drive their cars in the 2+ ft. of snow... they made rivets in the snow that we could walk on for a short distance to get "things moving" for the dogs... :)

and now...the digging out continues... we shoveled for ~4 hours today and we're still not to the end of our driveway... we have to shovel in layers - top, middle, bottom...3+ shovels before we get to the ground... incredible... and the saddest thing is that we have a snow blower...but after 1+ hours of trying to get it up and running on Thurs. night, i gave up (it's been sitting in the shed for a few years...i think the fuel lines have gummed up b/c we left fuel in there - dumb, i know...) hopefully we will finish up tomorrow (if we can move), but getting out depends upon whether anyone from dept. of transportation comes to plow... :) they have to be seriously overworked right now...they're not used to this sort of weather, i'm sure... but, i don't really mind being stuck at home... :) there's enough here to do and i have two sweeties & two hairy beasts to keep me company. :)

enjoy our pictures...i am trying a new format... :) hopefully they won't be super small! :)

Make a Smilebox slideshow

giving in...

while i am still kind of "new" at this parenting thing, i have had the chance to watch several hundred parents "raise" their children from afar (children were the ones in my classroom for the 9+ years i was teaching)... and kids i was friends with while growing up...and even people i come in contact with now...

something i'm thinking a lot about is when and why a parent gives in...not only for me, but for other people i've seen parent in my 30+ years... are you challenged when you're tired? would you rather just do something else instead of being with your child? what do you give in about? is it something so basic...or something more important... at times, i wonder if it really matters if it's a significant thing or not...instead, i wonder what message giving in sends to your child? when, as a parent, do you draw the line and give in to your child?

we've all be in the store watching a child throw a tantrum because a parent didn't give in...
or you see the cute little girl walking around in unmatched clothes, in public...

i will probably be one of those parents with a child throwing a tantrum...well, maybe not - i hope K will not find tantrums to be OK, but i also hope that i don't give in to just "keep her quiet"

like last night, at the doctor's office, a young mother, a grandmother, and a little girl - who was maybe 3 years old, were waiting to be called... the little girl wanted a piece of gum from her grandmother's purse, but the grandmother told her no... so the mother, in annoyance, says, "just GIVE her some GUM! I ALREADY have a HEADACHE and I don't want to hear HER act up here while we wait."
without missing a beat, the grandmother got some gum, gave it to the mom to chew first (as per the mom's request...she wanted to chew the gum for her daughter first so she wouldn't "eat it"), and the little girl went skipping around the waiting room while chewing the already been chewed gum... (will i really do that - chew my child's gum for her before i give it to her??? it sounds so gross...)

but there are other things...like my child's health and well-being...

like giving in about brushing her teeth...and yes, at 13+ months of age, she brushes her 6 little teeth every night and has for about 2 months... and maybe i have my dad to thank for the whole importance of brushing your teeth... as a kid, i can remember a few nights when i was asked to get out of bed (i was already sleeping) to brush my teeth. when he'd come to get ready for bed, if my toothbrush looked dry, he'd feel my toothbrush (kinda gross, now that i think about it). if it was dry, i was up to brush my teeth. but i didn't forget very often, if you know what i mean...
but i know people who don't make their kids brush their teeth...i'm not really sure why. some say it's such a pain to fight with their child about brushing... are you kidding? do you think it's going to be better when your kid is sitting at the dentist getting shots of Novocain to get fillings??! and, plus, that's just gross... plus, what message does that send to a child???? shouldn't we establish our expectations early?

and what about washing your face at night...? i know, for a fact, that when i wipe K's face several times a day after a meal and at night, it's not her favorite thing in the world...but it has to be done... and, when she's entering puberty and facing that nice, oily teenage skin, i know that we will have hopefully instilled the importance of keeping yourself clean...

how about clipping nails? yes, it's not the most pleasant thing in the world, but is it really teaching your child anything if you let them go around with sharp, claw-like nails on the fingers and toes? granted, trimming nails may take a few days to complete in little increments, but if you think about the alternative...ewww and OUCH! i don't think any one likes to see people out and about with unkempt, long, and dirty nails...

how about taking pride in your surroundings? i know that ry and i tend to be a bit on the cluttery side, but we have to work almost every day to pick up our things... but i will expect K to clean up her toys and to keep her room in a semi-decent condition (at least until she becomes a teenager, maybe...and then, i'm sure she'll be spending time in her room cleaning when she wants to do something or go out :))... i want to be able to vacuum her carpet regularly and to keep her living area in proper order...and i want her to also feel the same way about her home, room, and living area...

now the one thing we're challenged with a bit is eating...K is a very picky eater, but she's getting better. but i know a lot of people who give their kids any foods that they want...even if they're not that good for them...like hot dogs for every meal because "it's what he likes." or a range of choices in case he doesn't like the other 3 things you've provided for him so far.
for the last few nights, K has gone to bed with a nearly empty tummy, i'm sure, because she will not eat the main course of her meal that she's given. there's nothing wrong with the food...she's eaten it before...but i don't want her to think that she can just refuse to eat what's put in front of her only to expect another meal instead.... like our wonderful pediatrician told us, "don't cater to her tastes and make her another separate meal. pretend like you have 10 kids; would you make separate meals for every one of them?" of course, he piggy-backed this message and advice with not giving her 5 alarm chili, but you get the point...

i guess that we all face our own tests and challenges with parenting... but it all boils down to "who is in charge" and what values you'd like to instill into your child... i know that i will face my own battles with K as she grows more independent and willful...however, i hope that i will not waiver in my expectations and requirements of her... i want her to grow up knowing what's expected of her and i want her to be internally stimulated to take pride in herself, her surroundings, and in her family... i know we're not perfect, and we have areas where we do need to improve, but that's part of the learning process...

but i really wish, for some of the children i know, that parents would stop giving in... it's really showing the ultimate form of laziness as you "parent" your child/children, and it's only going to create more challenging issues as the years pass...

i need to remember this, too...because i want to be my daughter's mom first...so that we can be friends later... :) ...what an honor that will be... :)

a little less than three days...

that's how long it takes for the rag used to wipe up split milk, left in the bathroom (by mistake), takes to smell...like something died...seriously...

and i even rinsed it out afterward...

and to think...i couldn't believe ry had been so...fragrant that morning...and i couldn't figure out why my sweet smelling Glade spray just wasn't doing the trick...not once, but TWICE...

but i think the worse thing is that i overlooked this rag for 2 1/2 days... was i tired? probably... but when you are watching 3 kids, seriously, the only time i'm in the bathroom to see these things is for like 30 seconds...i can't leave the kids alone for long! :) i did see the rag...but whenever i thought, "you should put that in the washer..." it was when the kids were all up...so i figured i'd just do it later...

and the funniest part is that i left it there after i discovered that it was smelling up the bathroom really badly b/c i wanted ry to smell it when he got home... he comes out of the bathroom with a classic frown and says, "what smells in the bathroom??? it smells like something died...."

i laughed...i laughed pretty hard... :) he thought it was me making the bathroom all fragrant and whatnot...but i told him my mistake...

so if you want to just call the experiment "complete" for your life, feel free to take the final conclusions from me... if you spill milk and clean it up, put the rag in the wash before you reach the point of ugly smells...

ew....

it's hard to believe...

that 14 years ago today, i met my future (and current) husband... :)
after several months of our "pen pal" relationship, we decided to meet...
and he was so cute in that first picture i got of him...hugging is 4 year old sister...
melted my heart... and that smile...made me weak at the knees... :) (i'll hafta see if i can find that picture of him...wouldn't you like to see it?! he'll just say, "I had hair then...")
and he was a christian...score!
anyway, he and his friend drove all the way from albany, ny to pittsburgh...a lot of hours...in the car...to meet some 19 year old girl at the University of Pittsburgh...
in Tower A...room 1204...but i was "living" in room 1205, with my mattress on the floor, pretty much full time because of my psycho roommate...
he had an upset stomach when he got there...maybe from the bad turkey sandwich he brought on the trip... the lingering joke of him being sick when he saw me hasn't ever grown old...at least for me... :) poor guy...
and the girl he came to meet was so shy (imagine THAT) 'cause she thought he liked her other friends more than her... she was wrong... :)
we went on our "first date" to station square and the incline in pittsburgh...beautiful night...christmas lights...fun times...and with some of my best pals from the 12th floor...
and we stayed up almost all night...talking...and maybe even sharing a kiss or two (or three)...but that was it....despite my then super weird and psycho roommate thinking we were doing the "no no cha cha" when she walked in the door and promptly left... goshhhh... we were just in that room because that's where all my stuff was - we were looking at my photo albums...

anyway...who would have ever guessed that our innocent pen pal connection would have ever resulted in 14 years of a growing, fun, exciting, comfortable, sometimes difficult, and amazing relationship that would bring marriage (finally!)...and one of the sweetest little girls that i know... :)

i am blessed, indeed! :)

happy 14 years, dear...and here's to 14 more years... :) (we'll be so old then!) :)
love you :*